Adjusting After Divorce

by Kristyne McDaniel

Life after divorce can take some adjusting, especially if the marriage has lasted several years. It can be difficult trying to grasp a completely different mindset towards someone you once vowed to love and cherish for all eternity. A divorced person can experience a slew of emotions after the papers are signed, including a feeling of helplessness and despair. When children are involved in divorce settlements, custody and visitation rights become an issue as well. But life does not have to end once you obtain your divorce, and there are many ways to help you cope.

After divorce, it can be hard for anyone to think about beginning a romantic relationship. Ending a marriage can leave a person feeling somewhat vulnerable and inadequate. It can also be extremely difficult for you to suddenly switch from loving another person to feeling either hatred or indifference towards them. How an individual copes with life after divorce can also depend on what role the divorced person played in the situation. When you leave a spouse, you may feel a sense of control over the situation because the decision was yours. But when you are left by a spouse, feelings of desertion or betrayal can arise. To help overcome these emotions, it is suggested to take time for yourself and focus on things that make you happy. This may require you to think back to the marriage and see what your role was in the relationship. Did you feel like the marriage was missing something important? Did you often give more emotionally than you received from your spouse? By stepping back and taking time for yourself, you allow emotional wounds to heal before starting any future relationships. Finding out what makes you happy and what your emotional needs are will help you make better decisions about who you choose to date.

Other issues that arise after a divorce are the problems children can face when their parents are living in two different places. Child custody laws can make divorce proceedings difficult and lengthy for everyone involved. In the end, the children are left feeling pulled in two directions. Holidays are the most stressful thing children must adjust to after the custody litigation is resolved. A divorced parent can help their child by making a plan for the holidays and discussing where they will be spending them. Explain that holiday traditions don't have to change, but will only be different because both parents won't be present. Listening to your child's fears and frustrations about the custody and visitation settlement can help them adjust to living in two places. Many children miss the parent they are not visiting, so allow them to maintain contact during their stay. Helping your child adjust will vary depending on their age, but helping them maintain a sense of normalcy in a difficult situation will help make your relationship with your child stronger.

After divorce, property settlements can be a lengthy and frustrating process to finalize. This is especially true when a couple was married for an extensive period of time. Properties not only include the home you shared, but it can also include vehicles, the family pet and personal belongings. One of the most important things in a property division is finding out who gets the home. If you are keeping the property, be sure the deed is signed over in your name so you can take full responsibility for any payments left on the home. If your spouse gets the home, be sure they sign the deed and take full responsibility. Otherwise, you could be held accountable for payment of the mortgage if they fail to pay the lender. Financial assets can be awarded to a spouse after divorce, but it can vary depending on your lawyers, the length of the marriage and what both parties originally brought into the marriage. Finally, in some instances, a divorced person can continue to stay on their ex-spouse's health insurance plan for as long as three years. This is especially true in cases when children are involved and need to stay on one parent's coverage. Insurance plans will again depend on your divorce settlement and what concessions are made during the proceedings.

After divorce, getting your life back on track can seem daunting. This is especially true when you have to consider property settlements and child custody and visitation rights. Even finding the right time to enter the dating scene again can seem overwhelming. But there are ways to overcome the emotional stress of a divorce. By finding time for yourself and discovering what is important to you, you can gain a whole new outlook on life. This process of self discovery will not only help you on the road to recovery, but it will also facilitate your efforts in making transitions easier for your children.