Divorce Court Demeanor Matters

by Kristyne McDaniel

How you handle yourself in divorce court can play a part in the outcome of your divorce settlement. As with any other court proceedings, it is important to be mindful of your actions and what you say in court. Although the judge may not always rule in your favor regarding certain issues, like property division, it is imperative you give yourself the upper hand as much as possible during the entire process.

Before entering divorce court, it is vitally important that your lawyer and you work out as many details and issues as possible with your spouse's lawyer. This is usually performed in what is called an early settlement panel, or divorce mediation. This panel takes place in a court house and is attended by your soon-to-be ex-spouse, you and both attorneys. Family law attorneys listen to both sides of the divorce settlement while both counselors go over property divisions, any marital debt that has accumulated and any other issues that comprise the marital settlement agreement. This process can be extremely helpful because it allows many of the issues to be settled between the couople before a judge even hears the case. In some instances, such as in divorce mediations, issues can be resolved and agreed upon without ever having to go to divorce court. 

We have all seen cases on television or in the movies where couples are brought into divorce court, and in the end the "good spouse" wins. In reality, this is not so much the case. A judge has the free will to make his or her own decisions about a case, and that decision may not always be in favor of you. When proceeding with a divorce settlement, it is important to remember this fact because it will help you retain a cool demeanor in front of the judge if something is decided against you. The most difficult time to do this, of course, is when children are involved. What a judge decides regarding child custody and visitation rights will rest on the evidence your lawyer presents and the custody laws governing your state. But often a judge makes his or her decision about joint physical custody based on their personal instincts. So it is important to enter a courtroom with an open mind and a clear outlook on how things could turn out in the end.

Before walking into divorce court, be sure you are fully prepared. This means not only showing up professionally attired, but it also means that you have gone over everything with your attorney. You should know if there will be the possibility you need to speak in court. If you are going to talk, then go over the etiquette needed for the courtroom, such as thanking the judge for any opportunity to verbalize your point of view and addressing him or her as "your honor." It is also imperative to your case that you follow the lead of your attorney and avoid saying anything negative to your spouse. Because an attorney is unable to take notes while they are speaking to the judge, it may be necessary you write down pertinent information to the divorce settlement for your lawyer. Finally, when custody and visitation rights are at stake, children should never be present in the courtroom. It will only exacerbate an already tormenting experience for them, and it could hinder a judge's decision in the end.

Even if your lawyer does not have the poise or attitude of Perry Mason, you can still make it through divorce court without loosing entirely. Your lawyer will be responsible for presenting the judge with evidence about the property division or any custody and visitation requests. But it is your responsibility to behave properly and address everyone with common courtesy, especially the judge. Adhering to your lawyer's recommendations and the judge's requests, you can hopefully breeze through the proceedings without it resembling some of the celebrity divorces we see in the media.