Just What Is Marriage and Divorce ?

by Kristyne McDaniel

Marriage and divorce are too often linked together like "peas and carrots." At one point in history, the thought of divorce was as scandalous as committing a murder. When a couple married, the notion of getting a divorce if things failed to work out was not an option. Has the sanctity of marriage been lowered so far that when two individuals step up to the altar, they know they have a way out of it? The time honored tradition of living "till death do us part," seems to have evolved towards the notion of "till death do us part, unless we get a divorce."

Marriage and divorce often occur because of the type of communication that exists between people. In any relationship, whether it is friendship or a romantic involvement, communication is necessary for it to survive. Communication can be as simple as the difference between saying negative and positive comments to one another. On a daily basis, if you hear things like "you never," or "you don't" you're bound to put up a defense against the personal attacks that usually follow such phrases. All too often we open our mouths without even thinking about what we are saying or how it will affect the person we are addressing. Simple changes in the way we communicate could make a lasting difference in a relationship, especially a marriage. Instead of starting off with the negatives, begin with a positive phrase like "thank you," or "I'll help," to let the person know how much you appreciate them instead of pointing out the things they do wrong all the time. 

Ideals about marriage and divorce can also come from family history. Children of divorced mothers and fathers will often possess a fear of failing in their own marriage, especially if their parent's divorce was wrought with hateful bickering and a lack of affection. In fact, some studies report that children coming from a broken home are twice as likely to experience divorce in their marriage. Coming from a divorced parent makes the act itself an option in case the marriage doesn't work out. It can often set a standard for what marriage is supposed to be like when children of a broken home decide to enter matrimony. Before entering a marriage, it is important you talk about family origin before walking down the aisle. Ask each other about your childhood and what your parent's relationships were like growing up. This can help clear the air between you, helping establish what you want  from the marriage. 

Financial strain can play a role in marriage and divorce. It is important to understand what your financial expectations are for the marriage before entering into matrimony. Ask yourselves if there is to be joint checking accounts or separate checking accounts. Find out if you both have the same saving goals and then find a happy medium if there is an inherent difference. Looking at your personal spending habits is emphatically important before getting married because you have to understand where the money is going to go most of the time when you live under one roof. Too often we let money dictate our lives, but avoid talking about it because the topic seems too personal and invasive. But discussing the role finances will play in your marriage is as important as discussing parental roles when you decide to have children. 

Marriage and divorce can be life altering moments for anyone. Before entering into a marriage, it is important to have a solid understanding of your partner. Open the lines of communication and leave no rock unturned. The same advice should be heeded before going through a divorce. Look to see what lies behind your reason for wanting to separate in the first place. Is it a lack of proper communication? Did financial strain become a problem that you both refused to deal with and discuss? Finding the source of the problem can be the first step in realizing that perhaps divorce isn't the best solution.